Thanks for your question Anita.
Q
Hindsight is 20/20. It’s always easier to reflect on what you might have done differently when you have the knowledge of what came before. Looking back, were there warning signs that you are more aware of now that you can share with other parents/caregivers?
A
Yes, there were warning signs. Jake had lost interest in the sports activities he’d loved. He spoke mostly about online friends and much less about friends at school. He had more difficulty waking in the mornings for school. His grades started to slide. His grooming habits changed and were poor. And he became far more focused on playing games than spending time with friends and family.
Q
What have you found helpful when coaching parents/caregivers in relation to their children/kin’s gaming concerns?
A
In 2020 I did the online Intenta Clinical Training for Gaming Disorder that Cam Adair (from GameQuitters.com) and psychologist, Jamison Wiggins created. Within the course, we were given some great tools for intake and assessment, and I have found their mapping zone tool most helpful in getting a clear picture of the child and family dynamics in the home. I look to recognize the type of disordered gamer I am coaching and the emotional issue or hungering that is driving them to game to excess. Once I have this information, it’s easier to get parents to focus on the person behind the addiction, rather than focusing so much on the problem of the addiction.
I want families to approach with understanding and empathy and not the anger and frustration that exists initially. I first do intake with parents and then after a few sessions I will do the same intake with the gamer. I find there are always gaps in how the parents see their child versus how the child sees themself. Many children feel they are not being heard or understood, so I work to bridge this gap initially. I find that having parents look at the situation and strategize from a different perspective, that they hadn’t considered, helps adjust behaviours in the home. Sometimes, parents feel too close and too personally and emotionally attached to the situation to see it with an objective point of view. My first approach is to try harm reduction first, as I work with a lot of families of adult gamers and they are far more challenging to detox right away. There’s a lot of psychological and emotional unraveling to sort through first, and I have to build trust.