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Gambling, Gaming & Technology Use Community of Interest

The Gambling, Gaming & Technology Use Community of Interest brings together addiction and mental health service providers, researchers and subject matter experts in the fields of gambling, technology/Internet use and video gaming to collaborate and share knowledge on emerging trends and clinical best practices.

Welcome to our Q&A discussion with Elaine Uskoski.

Over the next two days (May 6 & 7, 2021) we’ll be posting questions to Elaine about her and her son Jake’s story, as featured on recent CTV W5 feature, ‘Hooked’ a twenty-minute documentary about problem gaming in Canada.

We invite you to watch the documentary by clicking here and join in our discussion on this thread below.

Please remember to follow our Community Guidelines when posting and be considerate to others when posting your questions and responses. If you have any questions about the event you can email: marie-claire.conlin@camh.ca.

I'll be posting our first batch of questions at 10am tomorrow. See you there!

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Thank you again for joining us on the forum, Elaine and for offering your time and sharing your story. Watching the documentary sparked a number of initial questions and further reflections:

  • What were some of the things that you and Jake worked on together during that time when he was first stopping/reducing his video gaming?
  • How is Jake doing now?
  • It appears that Jake felt like an “abstinence” approach was what worked best for him. At any point, did you ever try a “harm reduction” approach (limiting game play rather than quitting altogether)?

Thanks for asking me to be a part of this event, Marie-Claire. I'm happy to answer questions in order to help others have a good understanding of gaming addiction from mine and my son's experience.

Q

What were some of the things that you and Jake worked on together during that time when he was first stopping/reducing his video gaming?

A

The first time Jake detoxed from gaming, after he had time to rest and get back on a regular sleep cycle, he joined me in morning fitness classes in order to elevate his mood. I fed him healthy meals so he could regain the weight he’d lost. He was kept busy doing chores around the house and eventually went back to the pub he’d previously worked at until he returned to university for second semester. He attended weekly counseling sessions with a local social worker. And I monitored him at all times, concerned about his fragile mental health state and possible suicide.

Q

How is Jake doing now?

A

Today Jake lives on his own, in Toronto, and is a Software Engineer for a maintenance software company. He works in a healthy climate that he loves and where he has room to grow professionally. He lives in the twin tower to his older brother and his wife, so has a good support system close by. Jake has an active social life, but during COVID has had to visit with friends online. He still loves tennis and snowboarding. He just got himself a kitten for company and to nurture. And he is coming up to his fourth year of sobriety - he plays no video games at all. Sometimes he will speak with me and is happy to share his story if it can help another person and their family.

Q

It appears that Jake felt like an “abstinence” approach was what worked best for him. At any point, did you ever try a “harm reduction” approach (limiting game play rather than quitting altogether)?

A

Before giving up gaming entirely for the last time, Jake stopped playing online massive, multi-player games, and tried just playing console games only. That worked for a while, but then he found himself binge playing for two straight days, and decided that was dangerously addictive. He then decided to only play phone games, but would fall asleep with the game still running at night, killing his phone battery, and then having no phone alarm to wake him up. That scared him into thinking he could lose his job that summer and he was already working for this amazing software company that had promised to hire him full time when he graduated. He realized then that gaming was getting in the way of his career plans, so he quit altogether. So, in essence, he tried a form of harm reduction without even realizing he was doing it. But ultimately, he realized that harm reduction just doesn’t work for him.

Hi Elaine! It's so great to have you join us in this space and share your knowledge and experience with us. I have a few questions for you too:

  • Hindsight is 20/20. It always seems easier to reflect on what you might have done differently in the past when you have the lived experience of the present. Looking back, were there warning signs that you are more aware of now that you can share with other parents/caregivers?
  • What have you found helpful when coaching parents/caregivers in relation to their children/kin’s gaming concerns?

Thanks for your question Anita.





Q

Hindsight is 20/20. It’s always easier to reflect on what you might have done differently when you have the knowledge of what came before. Looking back, were there warning signs that you are more aware of now that you can share with other parents/caregivers?

A

Yes, there were warning signs. Jake had lost interest in the sports activities he’d loved. He spoke mostly about online friends and much less about friends at school. He had more difficulty waking in the mornings for school. His grades started to slide. His grooming habits changed and were poor. And he became far more focused on playing games than spending time with friends and family.     

Q

What have you found helpful when coaching parents/caregivers in relation to their children/kin’s gaming concerns?

A

In 2020 I did the online Intenta Clinical Training for Gaming Disorder that Cam Adair (from GameQuitters.com) and psychologist, Jamison Wiggins created. Within the course, we were given some great tools for intake and assessment, and I have found their mapping zone tool most helpful in getting a clear picture of the child and family dynamics in the home. I look to recognize the type of disordered gamer I am coaching and the emotional issue or hungering that is driving them to game to excess. Once I have this information, it’s easier to get parents to focus on the person behind the addiction, rather than focusing so much on the problem of the addiction.

I want families to approach with understanding and empathy and not the anger and frustration that exists initially. I first do intake with parents and then after a few sessions I will do the same intake with the gamer. I find there are always gaps in how the parents see their child versus how the child sees themself. Many children feel they are not being heard or understood, so I work to bridge this gap initially. I find that having parents look at the situation and strategize from a different perspective, that they hadn’t considered, helps adjust behaviours in the home. Sometimes, parents feel too close and too personally and emotionally attached to the situation to see it with an objective point of view. My first approach is to try harm reduction first, as I work with a lot of families of adult gamers and they are far more challenging to detox right away. There’s a lot of psychological and emotional unraveling to sort through first, and I have to build trust.

Hi Elaine! This is a really interesting conversation. Thanks for sharing your experiences and approaches that inform your work. I had a few questions I’d like to ask as well:

  • What are some of the main challenges parents/caregivers face when addressing gaming or video game addiction with their children/kin? What have you found to be effective in addressing these challenges?
  • Has the COVID-19 pandemic affected how you speak about gaming? In what ways?

Thank you for participating Tara.

Q

What are some of the main challenges parents/caregivers face when addressing gaming / video game addiction with their children/kin? What have you found to be effective in addressing these challenges?

A

The biggest challenge I see is that parents do not follow through with consequences of poor behaviour of their child. They don’t have clear rules in place, and so the child ends up making decisions on what is acceptable behaviour. Restrictions are not made as to the amount of gaming time their child is allowed, so it becomes a free-for-all in their home. Parents do not supervise gaming, but allow it to be played behind closed doors in their child’s bedroom. The child is not expected to eat at the table with the family, but instead eats in front of their computer or gaming console. Children are not required to perform household chores or clean their bedrooms. Excessive gamers become either despondent and depressed or volatile and verbally or physically violent when gaming is removed. And parents do not understand the value in gaming or why it's being used as a coping mechanism, so they constantly speak of gaming in a negative way.

My first approach is to have parents stop the negative dialogue, the lectures, the put-downs, and the constant battling with their child. It’s ineffective. I look for ways to have the child move away from gaming for short periods of time and have them re-connect with healthier communication with their parents and siblings. I request that consoles and computers are moved to a central location in the home where they can be supervised. I advise that they do not allow any eating in bedrooms and the child must eat with their family and remain at the table for at least 30 minutes to eat and talk. No conversations about video gaming is allowed during this time. I have parents require their child to do chores, not to earn gaming time, but if they do not do chores or eat with the family, they lose allotted gaming time. Parents must learn to follow through with consequences. This way, the gamer is in control and makes the decision not to engage and therefore lose gaming time. I recommend a visit to the doctor for assessment and to get medication and/or counseling for a child who becomes depressed. And I suggest the family gets extra support systems to deal with a volatile situation that needs to be diffused.



Q

Has the COVID-19 pandemic affected how you speak about gaming? In what ways?

A

COVID has certainly made me aware of how much more difficult it has been for children and families to cope with gaming. Many parents are working from home while also trying to help children with online learning, and it's quite a juggle to supervise as closely with work as a distraction. Children’s mental health is suffering more as they miss their school routine and their friends. For some children, online learning is far too difficult to grasp and remain focused on. Teens are logging into class and then opening gaming tabs along with social media and Discord tabs and are playing and talking with friends rather than following their school lesson. Kids are missing activities outside of school such as the Arts and Athletics and are turning to gaming out of boredom and/or to connect with online friends. So, I am certainly sympathetic to this challenge and do address it with families.

Yes, I remember when I worked with teens and parents as an EA for several years that young teens especially really appreciated clear rules and expectations around behaviour. Especially when it was consistent, it helped create a sense of safety and trust (plus some learning time and patience from parents/carers in those times when teens wanted to explore and test how firm those boundaries are!) Dr. Brene Brown speaks a lot about this on her podcast too.

Older teens could also help co-create expectations around chores, family time etc. I definitely see how this translates to gaming at home as well!

@Registered Member posted:


The biggest challenge I see is that parents do not follow through with consequences of poor behaviour of their child. They don’t have clear rules in place, and so the child ends up making decisions on what is acceptable behaviour.

This makes a lot of sense to me as well. If there isn't a clear contingency of what is and isn't allowed/expected, then people are going to test where those boundaries are. Especially if the choice is between doing something that they find engaging vs. something that may be important but isn't as immediately as captivating. Do you think that for older teens/young adults that it's better to set clear rules/expectations or to have discussions on time management, values/priorities and how they structure their days? It may not be an either or, but would love to hear your thoughts on which strategies might be better suited for different situations and if there's considerations you'd take besides age for this?

Great question Mahfuz

What I find often is that parents are rewarding children for following rules, rather than setting up a system where the child has a consequence of losing whatever their personal currency is when they don't follow through with expectations. I suggest parents make a list, that is clear for the child to follow, that contains both personal responsibilities as well as chores that are required. This list can be discussed and created with the child. But some of the items are non-negotiable. For example, a child will be expected to go to bed and wake up at consistent times, do their daily grooming, get dressed, make their bed, have healthy meals, attend school or work, complete homework, fulfill any meetings/appointment they may have, help with meal prep or cleanup, tidy their bedroom, eat meals with the family (without digital devices) and remain at the table for discussions for 20-30 minutes, engage in some family time with a board or card game a couple nights a week, get 15-30 minutes of daily outdoor exercise. And if any of these are not done, then consequences are put in place. So, if we're using a harm reduction strategy, a specific amount of time would be granted on certain days of the week/weekend - if anything isn't followed on the list, then the child loses that gaming time. That way, the child is making the choice to not play video games when they choose not to follow the rules/structure that have been laid out. I have found this is more effective than the rewards system. I suggest to parents that they can reward with positive feedback but not with tangible items.

I hope this is helpful.

Hello again Elaine,

I'm wondering if you could share a bit about how you help parents differentiate healthy and enthusiastic gaming from problem gaming?

In the documentary, Jake mentioned that at one point he returned to gaming when telling his story. When coaching parents/caregivers, how do you approach this when young people return to gaming after quitting?

Thanks again! Chloe

Thanks for your questions, Chloe.

Q

How would you help parents differentiate healthy and enthusiastic gaming from problem gaming?

A

Recreational gamers are able to self-regulate their gaming time. They play for short periods of time and understand there are many translatable skills that gaming offers such as problem solving, team dynamics, determination and tenacity, and micro and macro managing. These players still enjoy a variety of other activities outside of gaming.

Escapers and High Achiever disordered gamer sub-types play for different reasons. They are looking to escape emotional pain or trauma and/or look for high reward for low risk to feel they can gain a sense of high achievement. They give up other activities and friendships outside of gaming. They can become irritable and out of control when gaming is removed. They often stop grooming, eat healthy and gain weight or eat very little and lose weight. This is often coupled by drinking highly caffeinated energy drinks. Some stop attending school or jobs. They have erratic and poor sleep habits. Addicted gamers will continue to game even if it’s affecting their life in a negative way. They believe they can’t live without it.

Q

Jake mentioned that at one point he returned to gaming when telling his story. When coaching parents/caregivers, how do you approach this when young people return to gaming after quitting?

A

Relapse is part of recovery and can be expected. When this occurs, we look to see what the emotional trigger was that led the child back to gaming and work to heal this. We also look to see if something was missing from their recovery and support plan and tweak it to something more effective.

Jake always believed that he only had to stop gaming to get through university. In his mind, he could return to it during summer breaks and once his degree program was completed. So because he wasn’t approaching it with long term sobriety in mind, he was white knuckling and that always left him vulnerable to slips and relapses.



Thank you to all of you who posted questions over the past two day and thank you again Elaine for taking the time to join us online for this Q&A .

Please note that if you are reading this after 5pm on May 7, 2021 this Q&A discussion is now closed.

We asked Elaine where people could connect with her and find out more about her work:



We will also continue to host online events, news and discussions about gambling, gaming and tech use here on our GGTU Community of Interest platform.

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